I'm not sure what to write here tonight.  What I can do is write about Logan every night, but doing so won't change anything.  I miss him.  I cry almost every day when things get hard.  But, as someone recently pointed out to me, in a gentle and patient way, he is not gone, and I have three other beautiful children that are depending on me also.

What I did do today was throw myself back into work again.  I've had many days since this whole thing started where I wandered around the house, unable to focus on anything at all.  I would pick things up and put them back down, or pace from room to room, or go to a store and buy random stuff that I didn't need.  People do crazy things when they're trying to cope.

But today I sat down and refocused on the things that are ultimately supposed to get me from point a to point b, which is mainly school, and real estate, and our support group, and my kids...in particular, appointments that they have, or other things that they're involved in.  And it's good to focus on things like that, because it gives me less time to make mistakes.  One of the first rules in business is "don't get emotional".  I think this applies to other areas of life.  Getting emotional is inevitable, but if you do it too much, then you can't make important decisions.  So, I have cried, I will probably cry again sometime, but I am standing up and dealing and that's the only way to go. Woe to whomever stands in my way. 

One thing I did notice today was that there are rocks scattered all over my house.  They are in the bathroom, in the medicine cabinet.  On the kitchen window sill.  On top of the tv cabinet.  On my front porch.  On my nightstand.  And would you believe I thought, I don't have enough "specimens"??  And then I thought, I have a problem.  And then I thought, I don't care. 

I think, though, that it's time to be picky and only keep the very best stuff.  The same applied to the closet I cleaned out today.  I was ruthless.  And when I was done I wondered why I thought I didn't have enough shoes.  Ironic, for someone who would actually prefer to go barefoot in the grass most of the time.

For those of you following this, I do want you to know that Logan is fine.  He is doing well where he is and I have every confidence in the treatment team that is in charge of him. I'm grateful for all of the love and support I've received on a daily basis from friends and family members who keep us in our thoughts and prayers.  I am blessed.