Awkward Hair and Stuff

So, a few months ago, I did this crazy thing and cut off all my hair.  I had really long hair and one day I got depressed.  Battling depression is serious business.  People deal with it in all kinds of ways, and in some crazy, stupid way I thought that making a change on the outside would help what was on the inside.  Why do women do this?  I don't know.  It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Well, the lady I went to had cut hair for more than thirty years and was very nice but did NOT listen to me when I told her what I wanted done.  So she gave me this odd haircut with ragged layers.  The first day I hated it.  After a couple of weeks I loved it.  Now I hate it again because I'm at that stage where I'm trying to grow it out and it's...awkward.  Awkward hair.  Nothing worse than awkward hair. But I'm going to stick it out and make it long again because that is just me.

This year, so far, has been a year of trying a lot of things.  It's been the busiest and fullest year of my life in a long time.  Going to school full time (16 hours), homeschooling a child, tutoring a high school kid, and raising four children and teaching on Sundays.  No big.  Disclaimer:  Do not try this at home.

In all of the bustle and all of the going back and forth and doing I cannot shake the feeling that changes are around the corner.  I am sending my  home school kid back to regular school next year.  Is he happy?  No, he is not.  But he is getting used to it.  Will I add another sixteen hours next semester?  Probably NOT. (Probably stick with thirteen ;) )  For the simple reason that a)I value my sanity (if there is, in fact, any left)  b)my youngest daughter is starting to talk and becoming interested in books and I want to make time for her  and c)If you try to pile on too many things, something inevitably gets left behind.

Now wait a minute, you say.  This blog is supposed to be about autism.  Why haven't you written about autism for a while?

Look at it this way. Me not writing about autism is me saying something about autism.  It is saying that autism is not my life.  It's not Logan's life.  And while I will be the first person to educate someone about it, or explain something, or advocate for it, sometimes, I don't want to talk about it, because there are a lot of other aspects to life.  I think it's hard for people to remember that.  For such a long time, my focus was the fact that my kid had this disorder.  It consumed me.  It's still important.  I still research it and write about it and talk about it. It's still a central part of my life.  But going back to school this semester and involving myself in so many other things reminded me that I had a life once, and that it was possible to live it even while dealing with his personal challenges.

That being said, the most important part of my life is and always will be the four people I brought into the world.  They make my life so much richer, and so much more fun and interesting, than it ever could have been otherwise.