Post Script to Take Back Your Life

There's one other thing that I forgot to add to the post last night.  If you're in a relationship and you experience a lot of fear, then that is a huge red flag.  Fear comes in a lot of forms, but the fear that I'm talking about are these kinds of fears, specifically:

1) You're afraid to talk about how you really feel.  If you don't feel like you can talk to your spouse/significant other/family member about your true feelings regarding their behavior/a situation/your opinion, then that is a problem.  Real relationships are built on love and respect, as in a person can lovingly or respectfully disagree with you.  But if they get angry when you speak your  mind, look out.

2) You're afraid to draw boundaries. If you're uncomfortable with something that they're doing, you should be able to speak up and say, Hey, can you stop or Hey, I don't really like that, it scares me/hurts me/makes me uncomfortable.  If they get angry at you for drawing a boundary, again, you have a serious problem on your hands.  Someone who really loves you won't continue behavior that makes you sad or hurts you.  Someone who likes to control you will get angry at you for "breaking the rules" or "stepping out of line".

3) You're afraid of making a mistake.  This can be any "mistake".  You forgot the milk at the store, and you are petrified because you know they're going to get mad. You didn't iron his shirt right, or fold it correctly.  You drove your car too far.  You didn't clean the house properly.  It can be anything that makes you nervous/anxious/worried about potential fallout and anger directed at you. That is no way to live.

There is a wonderful book that I love.  It's called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker.  This book talks about how fear can be an intuitive tool that tells you things about yourself and other people.  I also recommend practicing a little mindfulness.  If you find yourself feeling this way, stop for a moment and really examine why you feel like that.  Then ask yourself if you would make your best friend feel the way you are feeling right in that moment.  If the answer is no, that you would never treat anyone like that, then ask yourself why you feel you deserve to be treated that way.