Above the Clouds

Last night I went to yoga, even though I didn't want to.  I made myself get ready and walk out the door.

Everyone thinks that yoga is supposed to be about light and happiness, but it's not always like that.  Sometimes, as I'm going through all the poses, my mind wanders, and where it wanders to is very telling.    The room is quiet except for the music they play. There is no talking, and a lot of times it's so still that you can hear everyone breathing.  In a sense, because you're so focused on what you're doing, you become alone in a room full of people, and your thoughts become bigger than you.  The biggest issues in your life, or perhaps the ones you've been avoiding, are suddenly center stage in your brain, demanding that you look at them.

It's been a depressing few weeks (months?) in my life.  When you are continually faced with challenges, it's easy to lose perspective.

At the end of our session, we always go into savasana.  And during savasana our instructor always creates some sort of imagery.  This time she asked us to picture the most beautiful blue sky we'd ever seen.  I can't pinpoint one single time I saw the "most beautiful blue sky", but I thought of the time I went to Playa del Carmen in Mexico. I thought of my wedding day.  I thought of wandering through a cemetery, once upon a time. I thought of driving to Wichita Falls to visit my son in the hospital...the sky was always bluer there.  So I pictured all of those.

And she talked about how sometimes even when the sky is cloudy, airplanes are able to rise and fly above the clouds and find the blue again.

It occurred to me that for a long time, I've been worrying far too much about things that I have no control over, and investing so much emotional energy into things that don't do anything for me except bring stress and heartache.  As she talked about flying above the clouds, I realized that I didn't have to worry about all that stuff anymore.

Life is like a bank account.  No, more than a bank account.  Life is an entire portfolio.  We have a finite amount of time to spend here, on this earth.  Some people waste their time like some people waste money, investing in things that are temporary, putting their money into ventures that don't have a great return.  Some people spend their time doing things that don't make them happy, because they feel like that's what they're "supposed" to do, or it's what's "expected".  They end up miserable, longing for something else.  And some people invest in the wrong people. They try so hard to be in this group or that group, because they think that's where they belong, and their self-worth depends entirely on the acceptance of these people. Some people give too much, and they become emotionally overdrawn.  Some people don't give enough.  And they develop a miserly, scrooge-like persona that isn't conducive to healthy relationships. Some people pick a stock because it looks good, or it's been packaged well, but then it turns out to be a dud, and they lose. The reality is that love shouldn't be so hard.  Friendship shouldn't be so hard.  Good investors don't buy a stock and then pound their fists on the table, shouting, "Perform, damn you!"  They know what they've got going into the deal.  They know what to expect (most of the time).

Here's to doing what's best for yourself, investing in what makes you happy, and building strong relationships with the people who really love you.