About a month ago, a man sent me a friend request on Facebook. I had never seen nor heard of this man before and we had no "friends" in common. I sent a quick message: "Do we know each other?"
At the time, my real estate license was still active. I thought perhaps someone had referred him, or it was a mistake.
His response was, No, darling, but I want to be friends with you.
I said, hey, I'm married, I don't know you, sorry. And he apologized and that was the end of it.
I thought.
Last night around 330am, this man (more than a month later), sent a very obscene message to me. I responded by blocking him completely, making my husband aware of it, and reporting him to Facebook.
I still feel upset. And kind of scared, because he waited a month before contacting me again, which means he's been somewhere, thinking of me, thinking of doing this, which makes me even more angry. I know that there are a lot of sick people out there, unbalanced people, people who think that it's okay to cross boundaries and completely ignore the requests of women who ask to be left alone. Sometimes, people want what they want, and they don't care who they hurt or what rules get broken in order to get it.
But it makes me angry. To be ignored, to have my feelings run over, to be treated like an amusement or source of entertainment. And I am only one of thousands of women who have to put up with this. We all have to. The stupid comments, the innuendos, the jokes, remarks about our figures, the unwanted gestures and come-ons. And if we go beyond polite to forceful in standing up for ourselves, guess what? Suddenly, we are cold, we are bitches, we won't "play". Some men don't handle rejection well, and some lack the simple understanding that women are also people, and that we like to be treated in a civil, respectful manner just as much as our male counterparts. It's not even about being a female. It's about wanting to be respected as a person.
But too many men either don't understand this or don't think it's important, and they continue to do what the man last night did to me: cross boundaries, create uncomfortable and scary situations, and remind us that being a woman in today's world is still fraught with complications created by those who should be standing next to us and enforcing social niceties that seem to have gone the way of the dodo.
Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of good, decent men out there. I am married to one of them. But my experience reminds me that not all men are created equal. So what would I tell this man, or any man, who thinks that these kinds of actions are fun, or entertaining?
First of all, that you could be breaking the law. See Texas Penal Code 42.07.
That you're not funny, or cute, and that purposely annoying a woman, doing things she's asked you not to do, making obscene suggestions, even in jest, is the quickest way to get on that woman's shit list. Especially if that woman is me.
No means NO. Even if the woman said yes in the past, she's still allowed to say no later. End of story.
If a woman says, don't text me, don't call me, don't whatever is making her uncomfortable, do the right thing, put your personal feelings aside, and listen to what she's asking. Ignoring her requests becomes annoying, then it becomes harassment. And you don't want to go there.
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