Caroline's Pet Peeve

I have a really good friend named Caroline.  I love her to pieces.  She has an adult son with cerebral palsy.  She raised him largely on her own, and she has been a real blessing to me when it comes to knowing the ins and outs of raising a special needs child.  Autism is not cerebral palsy, but some things are similar...like the school system. And the reactions you get from different people when you take your child somewhere.  And the days that just wear you out and the days where you are so very, very grateful that God saw fit to entrust you with someone so precious.

I think sometimes people see a disabled child and they immediately make allowances for behavior.  And that's fine, and it's right, because some behaviors cannot be controlled as easily as you would a "normal" child.  But Caroline and I had this discussion one day, and I loved what she said.  "Michael (her son) is not his disability.  Michael is Michael, and cerebral palsy is just something that afflicts him."  That is so true. What do people see when they see Logan?  Do they see autism?  Or do they see a seven year old boy?

Sometimes people don't realize that just because a child has autism, or cerebral palsy, or any other mental disability, doesn't mean that the child can't deliberately misbehave.  If you were to see Michael, you would see a young man who struggles to speak and make himself understood.  But if you were to watch Michael and observe him over a long period of time, you would notice behaviors that were very deliberate...obstinancy when he was upset with something.  Calling his mother a nickname that he knows she doesn't like.  Normal things that kids do when they misbehave. Logan does the same thing.  Deliberate breaking of the rules.  Just because someone has a a disability doesn't mean that accountability is completely off the table.

One of Caroline's pet peeves (and mine too) is when she is out in public and she asks Michael to do something.  Michael refuses to comply.  The other person or persons in the scenario say, "Oh, it's okay.  Don't worry about it. He doesn't have to."  Well, I am here to tell you, it is NOT okay to say "It's okay".  A lot of learning with disabled children takes place through repetition.  If a parent is trying to get their disabled child to do something, and it's obvious that it's not an unreasonable request, then saying, "It's okay, they don't have to" completely sabotages what that parent is trying to do.  It is not okay to let them off the hook.  It is okay to push them, just a little, and have expectations.  The same as you would of any child.  Logan is not his disability.  Logan is my seven year old son.  He has autism.  Nathan is my ten year old son.  He has allergies.
Two little boys.  Two different afflictions.   Two little boys.  Two different afflictions that do not add up to the sum total of who they really are.