Letting Go A Little

You know, I had made the decision to change my writing to a completely impersonal style that dealt only with specific issues, and I had made that decision because I was concerned that something I had written might have upset someone.

Which was a really stupid idea.

So, on to other things.

Today, I thought about middle school, and about how it's such a difficult time for kids.  Nobody enjoys it.  If someone handed you a time machine and said, today you get to travel back in time and do middle school all over again, how many of us would actually do it?

That's right.  Probably no one would.

It can be really hard on someone with autism to go through it.  Social cues are hard for a kid on the spectrum to understand.  Sometimes they take things literally.  Sometimes they can't recognize when someone is angry, or sad, or making fun of them.  They don't have the social acumen to take an awkward situation and turn it to their advantage, or stay calm when they're really agitated.

Today my son had a field trip where he participated in a fall dance and lunch.  I almost kept him home.  Something like this fills me with apprehension for him.  A dance means music, and probably loud music.  Which means that it will probably hurt his ears, and he may get overstimulated, and not be able to handle all the noise and lights and people.  And what if someone makes fun of him, or ignores him, or he gets scared, or he wanders away to someplace he's not supposed to be?

These are common worries that parents like us deal with on a daily basis.  But today, it was different. He had already missed a lot of school due to a recent hospitalization, so he really couldn't miss any more.  His friends were going.  I had a mountain of work to catch up on with my real estate business and with school, plus all the responsibilities at home.  Keeping him home really wasn't going to work.  So I said a prayer (actually, a LOT of prayers) and sent him to school and buried myself in work all day.

I warned his siblings:  Your brother is probably not going to be in a good mood when he gets home.

And I explained why, that he had this field trip, blah blah blah.

And I picked him up from school and asked how his day went.

And he was in a good mood and said he had a great time.

Oh.

So I had to come to this conclusion:

I can never completely let him go.  He will probably live with me for the rest of his life, or mine.  (I'm trying to live forever...I'm taking it one day at a time.  Ha!)  But maybe it's time to let him grow up, just a little.