The Silent Roar

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Anxiety is a terrible thing.  According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, approximately 3.3 million adults in America 18 and older suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder.  It came to my mind this evening for a couple of reasons.  School is starting.  Bills are due.  Doctor appointments are looming.  Dentist appointments are looming.  My financial aid hasn't posted yet.  Real estate is slow.  

But is that really what causes anxiety?  It's not the state of things as they are.  It's about the "ifs".  It's about creating scenarios and worrying about situations that may happen.  Taking my examples a step further, let me illustrate:

School is starting and what if the kids don't have all the supplies they need?  What if they don't like their classes?  What if they don't learn anything?  What if something happens at school and I'm not there to help?

Bills are due and what if I can't pay them right away?  How am I going to pay for this?  

Doctor appointments are looming and dentist appointments are looming and what if they don't go well?  What if Logan stims in the waiting room?  What if we have to wait a long time?  

My financial aid hasn't posted yet and what if it doesn't?  What if I can't go to school this semester?

Real estate is slow and what if it doesn't pick up again?  

Do you see?  Anxiety is like a silent roar.  It's a predator that stalks you throughout the day, making you glance nervously over your shoulder, second guessing the path you're on, forcing you to tense up and prepare for an attack that probably is never going to come.  It's a silent roar in your head and a voice that never quiets.  It's a critical sneer on the face of the future...a future you imagine to be fraught with pitfalls and embarrassment.

Everyone has some form of anxiety.  And everyone deals with it a different way.  Usually I run in the opposite direction straight into the arms of happy-go-lucky land.  We may not have enough money to pay bills?  Oh well.  It will work out.  School starts tomorrow?  Thank God.  My financial aid hasn't posted and I may not be able to go to school?  I'll focus more on my job and updating the house.  Doctor appointments are looming, etc?  Well, it's about damn time we got those done.

The other thing I do, when I feel like I'm getting anxious, is I try to stop for a minute and re-focus with a more eternal perspective.  I'm really not the one in control.  Ever.  That's the other half of anxiety.  It's trying to control things you can't control.  And it's a myth that you're in control in the first place.  Everyone's reach is limited.  God's isn't.  And at the end of the day, you really have to let go and give it to Him.  It's hard to do, especially when you have a plan in your head about the way you think things need to go.  But life isn't like that.  Life is not a projectile missile.  It's silly string, people.  It's messy, it's all over the place, and if you don't know how to relax and have a good time, all you're going to see is a disaster every day.  

Oh, and chocolate helps.