Fifty Shades of Idiocy

Well, I couldn't find a graphic for this post, but it doesn't matter.  Valentine's Day is here again.  It's my least favorite holiday.  Mostly because the plethora of candy hearts and sicky sweet sentiments burns my eyes and makes me want to break my diet, but also because if you love someone, shiny hearts and doe eyed looks should be a last resort. But I digress.

Everyone knows that Fifty Shades of Gray comes out this weekend.  With the advent of this non-romantic, ridiculously trumped up flick comes a lot of confused guys who want to know if women are really into this stuff and if so, what in the heck is so exciting about it?

Well, I can't speak for all women, of course.  I can only speak for myself and with the assurance that I know my friends and family well enough to know what they think.  And the answer, gentlemen, is, No, we are not into it, and no, it is not exciting.

There's a group of women, obviously, who buy into this.  They think it's fun and kinky and daring to have a relationship like this.  But here's the deal.  It won't last.  Somebody will, inevitably, get hurt.  Lines will be crossed.  And it's not real.  It's playacting at its absolute worst, it's a distortion in the biggest sense of what a relationship should be, and it kills me to see women who settle for it.  Is your life really so vapid that you need to seek out something that will turn you into an empty-headed moron who is afraid to so much as blink for fear of angering her other half?  Oh, it's pretend?  Well, that just makes it so much better.  And so much more fulfilling than spending time actually getting to know someone and finding out if they're the right one for you, or falling in love with your spouse all over again.

The best thing women can do for themselves this Valentine's Day is this:  Do not see this movie.  Do not read this book.  Do not buy into the message that this is your fate.  Do not buy into the message that this sort of thing is harmless, and do not settle for less than what you deserve, which is a man who will love you and treat you like his equal.  The end, and Happy Valentine's Day.