What is Required

I mentioned, in a previous blog, that there are people who adopt special needs children, because that's what they want.  There are also countless people who work with special needs children on a daily basis, whether it's through physical or another kind of therapy, in the medical field, or in a classroom.

What is required of someone who might want to fill that kind of role, or of someone who wants to parent a special needs child?  How is it different from working with or dealing with "normal" children?  Here are a few things:

1) You can't be selfish.  If you are the kind of person who values personal time, who needs someone to stop and praise you for what you are doing or the kind of job you have, or who needs admiration in order to be fulfilled, then forget about this.  Parenting or working with a special needs child has its own rewards, but they are far different from this.

2) You can't be angry.  If you are prone to anger, temper tantrums, or mood swings, and you don't know how to control it, then forget about this.  These children sense changes in mood like changes in temperature.  A raised tone of voice, angry body language, intense emotion...it can all spark anxiety and nervous behavior in an autistic child, or a temper tantrum, and make them that much more difficult.  They thrive on calm.  They crave peace.

3)You have to be patient.  If you are not a patient person, then you will not do well at this.  Logan, for example, seems to come up with brand new ways to get under our skin every day.  At first it was hard.  Now it's "Oh.  You broke a dozen eggs on the floor?  Here's a mop. Clean it up."

4)There is no you.  If you are over focused on your own needs, whether it's sleep, your bank account, the hobby you want to work on, the time you want to spend on the computer, or the fact that you haven't been out with your loved one in two months...guess what?  It may happen....but probably not.

5)Appreciate little things.  Logan's little triumphs, like understanding a certain concept or communicating in a new way...these are huge things.  Even though they're little things.

6)Negativity and complaints...forget about it.  It doesn't help.  At all.  It makes things more stressful.

There is a lot more to it than this.  It's a never ending job, raising a child like this.  It requires a lot.  It requires constant vigilance, constant concern, constant hope, never giving up.  If you are not into constants, if you cannot look at children like this and see God in their faces, then this is not the role for you.