The Big Man

Someone complained today that I had not written in a while.  During the summer I suffer from a lack of material...the kids are always home, and things become static.  There's not a lot going on.

A few days ago my husband left on a trip.  He'll be gone for two weeks.  All of my children miss him, but Logan, especially, has expressed those feelings more so than any of my other children.  A couple of days ago he got really out of control, banging things on the floor and making a lot of noise.  We had the following conversation:

"Logan, what are you doing?"

"I banging stuff and breaking stuff."

"Why are you banging stuff and breaking stuff?"

"I want daddy."

Wow!  I want daddy, but I can't tell you I miss him and wonder where he is and when is he coming back, he isn't here to hold me and spend time with me, I feel frustrated and sad about this so I am going to make a lot of noise and bang something on the floor and hope that somebody gets it.

Over the next few days, he has made the following comments, not all at once, but at different times of the day:

"Where daddy go?"

"I want daddy."

"I want daddy come."

"Daddy go on a trip."

"I want to wear daddy's clothes.  I big man."

And that's the other thing.  Most little boys have a deep yearning to be like their fathers.  They learn by watching what their fathers do, how their fathers speak and how their fathers treat other people, especially their mothers and other siblings.  How telling it is, that Logan wants to wear his father's clothes and be the "big man".

I think a lot of times fathers underestimate their influence on their children.  After all, as mothers we carry our children within ourselves for nine months, or spend agonizing amounts of time going through the adoption process.  We bring our children into our families, we nurture, guide, teach, kiss booboos, yell, cry...their is so much of nurturing, and so much of soul-forming when it comes to motherhood.  But I think a father's influence is just as significant...it's quiet, and deep...it's a bedrock that a child can rest on, and years later, they will talk about their fathers as if they were legends of their childhood, "My father always did this, and that's why I do it this way."  "My father always said this."  "My father worked so hard."  "My father always taught me."  I think, for all children, but especially for an autistic child, a father's quiet, controlled influence can bring a measure of relief to emotions that are confusing and still forming.  A father's tender but firm guidance can ease a child through the most difficult and turbulent situations in that child's life...whether it's a temper tantrum, or a bad day at school, or something far more serious.

The evidence of his father's influence is evident in the way Logan is acting during his father's absence. No father should ever underestimate the hold they have on their children's hearts.