Confession

Tonight, I tucked him into bed and I thought,

How in the hell am I going to do this?

Sometimes it doesn't matter how many positive answers you've received, how at peace you may feel when you receive the confirmation that yes, you are doing what is best, for your family member and the other family members.  Knowing that you are doing what is right, or what Heavenly Father wants, or what is best and safest and healthiest for everyone concerned in a situation is NOT the same thing as making something easy.

This is not easy.

This is going to be, by far, the hardest, most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.  And since my life is, statistically, only half over, I shudder to think what fresh hell might open up in the coming years.

That being said, I also know that Heavenly Father doesn't point us in certain directions and open doors that would have remained closed if He doesn't want us there.  And that's what this situation has been.

But make no mistake, dear readers.  My heart is breaking.  No matter how much I smile.