I really don't have a lot to write about tonight, except that I'm tired of feeling cold.

I love cold weather IF I can wear warm clothes, stay in the house, eat soup, drink hot chocolate, and not move from underneath a pile of blankets.  It helps if someone is there to run back and forth to the kitchen and get snacks so I don't have to.

It's distracting to type on this computer because someone colored on the monitor with crayon.  The life.

Speaking of The Life, I haven't written about autism in a while.  So I'm going to write about this one thing that's been on my mind.  I hope it doesn't offend anyone.  But, hey.  My bleeding heart bled out a long time ago...like maybe six years or so.

Remember a while back when I wrote the entry "Autism Brings a Friend"?  I think it was a couple of years ago.  The gist of it was that you will seldom see ASD all by itself.  The parents I have spoken with all tell me the same thing, "My son/daughter has ASD and this and this".  Recently our son was diagnosed with a mood disorder.  I wasn't surprised.

Puberty can be a rough time where ASD is concerned.  If you have a son with autism, the instances of aggression can multiply.  This happens with girls too, but with boys, it's more frequent.  So, there will be times of chaos.  Times when you think you won't get through it.  When things seem hopeless.  When you think that you're not getting any help or that no one really cares about what's going on, because it's such an exclusive issue that not many people can relate to it.

So, we're going through that time, right now.  Here is what NOT to say to someone who is dealing with a child who has ASD and aggressive behavior.  Here is what not to say to someone who is watching their child change, who goes to endless rounds of appointments and sometimes hospital stays, trying to find the right combination of medications and therapies that just might be the godsend for getting through this very difficult time.  Do not say:

Have you thought about putting him in a home?

or

He needs to be in a home.

or

I think you're getting close to the time when you're going to have make some hard decisions.

or anything like any of the above statements.

This is why you shouldn't say these things.  First of all, saying that someone should put their child "in a home" sounds remarkably like what you would say to someone who has to give up a pet dog.  It minimizes the situation.  It blithely ignores the incredible heartache that these families endure, watching their child slip away into the throes of uncontrollable, aggressive outbursts.

Second of all, when you say these things, you are casting yourself as some sort of authority figure in the situation.  How could you possibly know if he needs to be in a home or not?  You don't.

Finally, you are ignoring the biggest, most glaring fact of all.  The parents are already aware of this option. Trust me.  They know about "homes'.  They have read about institutions.  That choice is always there, in the back of their minds, while they watch meltdown after meltdown and feel guilty for even considering it.

So, while you go home, and make yourself dinner, and watch tv in the quiet of your home, maybe consider not making such ill-informed remarks to someone who is, by far, much more knowledgeable and familiar with the people involved, (that would be their own son) than you.