Women are amazing creatures. I say that, being one myself, but we are. We were designed to do what men couldn't...have children. And thinking about those children, particularly daughters, made me think of the changes I see in girls as they get older. My three year old girl is feisty and smart. She's tough and if you asked her, she would tell you that she rules the world. But she's also kind, loving, generous, and sweet. My older daughter is wise beyond her years, talented, beautiful, a wiseass, and has an unbreakable set of values and rules. Her spine is made of iron.
I see girls grow up and they become less sure of themselves as time passes. Instead of relying on their own inner strength and beauty they start to wonder if their thighs are touching or if they are pretty enough. You can say one critical thing to them and couch it in a thousand smooth compliments and they will remember forever the one critical thing.
All of that taken into consideration, I don't want my three year old to stop ruling the world. I don't want my teenager to soften that iron spine or hide her sharp wit behind a fog of faux stupidity just so she can make a boy feel smart. I don't want them to bend, give, break, or sell themselves short. So there are a few things that I don't tell my daughters:
1) Are you going to wear that? I don't criticize what my daughters wear. For the three year old it hardly matters, and for my teenager, she's old enough to know what she likes and doesn't like, and it's not always going to be what I like. We're not the same person. As long as it's modest and doesn't show too much skin, I don't really care.
2) You're too sensitive. Guess what? All girls/women are sensitive. It's in our blood. Telling a female that she's too sensitive, even if she is, tells that female that her feelings are really not that important and that her opinions can be discounted because she's too upset, hurt, concerned, whatever.
3) You're too dramatic. Too much drama. Drama queen. etc. See number 2.
4) Why are you listening to that? My daughter has introduced me to some fantastic music. I've introduced her to some. We sometimes don't like each other's tunes, but that's not the point. We're sharing, and we respect what each other likes.
5) The guys will love that short skirt. Why don't you wear it? Ahem. They probably will like it. But I don't want her to get the message that that's an acceptable way to get attention. A killer sense of humor and a great attitude can go a long way towards being attractive also.
6) Why can't you dress more like/be more like/wear makeup like/do your hair like so and so? Moms, for the love of all that's good and right in this world, do not EVER compare your daughter to some other girl. You have no idea the damage this does. To your daughter, and to the relationship you have with her. Because what you're really saying is, I can't accept you the way that you are. Why can't you change, because what you are now is not good enough.
7) You are so silly/weird/etc. Teenage girls do act goofy. It's a transitional time when they're trying new things, trying to figure out who they are and what they really want out of life. Telling a girl that she's silly or weird does more damage than you might think.
I'm so thankful for my girls. They are truly daughters of God. And I want them to remember that, always.
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