The Songs We Sing

Back to autism.  We've discussed stimming, we've discussed what autism is and isn't, meltdowns, and all that wonderful jazz.  So, I want to talk about music for a minute.  Yes, they're related.

My son makes a LOT of noise.  To say he is one of the noisiest children I've ever met would be an understatement.  When he was younger he made a lot of ear-splitting, high pitched noises that I suspect have damaged my hearing.  Do I blame him for this?  No.  He didn't know what he was doing.  I've developed a VERY eternal perspective.  This isn't permanent.  Someday, I'll have my hearing back 100 %.  And the body I had when I was eighteen, but that's a different story!  Wink, wink.

A few months ago, we were at home and Logan kept making these really annoying guttural sounds.  I thought he was just stimming and doing nonsense so I asked him to stop.  He looked at me and said, "I singing.  I singing a song about_________." I don't remember what he said the song was about, but I have since come to realize that many times when I've thought he was just making noise, he was "singing a song".  The thing is, Logan actually can sing.  I've heard him do it.  He can memorize the words to songs and has an affinity for Kelly Clarkson, Pink, and Dragula by Rob Zombie (don't ask).  He also likes Guns n' Roses and Tove Lo.  There are certain songs he also can't stand, and will immediately ask me to change the station on the radio when these come on.  He once told me they hurt his ears.  When Logan sings, however, it's not always on perfect pitch and it's not always clear and understandable.  Deliberately, he will use different tones of voice, yelling and screaming or making his voice low and rough on purpose.  His songs are about different things.  "The Outside Song".  "The Garden Song".  "I singing a song about school".  That sort of thing.  This is one of the ways he expresses himself.  I've learned that if it gets too loud or it interferes with an activity the family is doing, instead of just asking him to stop, I can say, "Don't sing that song right now" and it's more effective.

This behavior is something I wouldn't have picked up on by myself.  He had to tell me what he was doing for me to understand.  It made me wonder how many autistic children express themselves in unusual ways like this, and how many go misunderstood, because people don't understand what they're doing.  I'm thankful for my son, because in spite of the challenges that come with raising him (and they have been many, and they have been heartbreaking at times), he has also brought me a lot of joy and taught me a lot.  I'm also grateful that my love of music has passed on to at least one of my children!  Logan may never play an instrument, but that boy will sing.