One myth I seem to hear a lot of lately is that autistic children and adults do not show any emotion, or that they don't have any facial expression. I've written about this before, but that was a while ago, and I feel the need to address it again. Nothing could be further from the truth. I can think of nothing more emotional than autism itself.
First we need to look at this myth and ask ourselves where it came from. It's difficult to tell and we may never know. It may have been born from an innate misunderstanding of ASD. Early on autism was classified as "childhood schizophrenia". That definition, coupled with glamorization from the media, painted a picture of autism that was highly inaccurate. What kinds of pictures come into your head when someone mentions the word "autism"? Do you imagine a head-banging, screaming child? Do you imagine a poor little soul trapped in the depths of catatonia? Do you picture a non-responsive dreamer who is replicating a Picasso with crayon on his living room wall? All of these are aspects of autism but they are exceptions to the general rule. The biggest challenge that autistic children deal with is the inability to communicate effectively. Some of them, as I've mentioned many times, are non-verbal. So getting their wants and needs addressed by their parents or teacher is an almost insurmountable challenge. This begets frustration. So much so that they may engage in behaviors that are odd and do not make any sense to anyone around them. They scream a lot. They scream in different ways for different reasons...out of pain, hunger, joy, fear, and sometimes, simply because the vibration of their vocal chords feels good to them. They may keen and wail out of distress, or to drown out other noises that are bothering them. Does this mean they do not display emotion? No. They are. Some of them do it in a different way than you or I.
Several times a day, my son comes to me and proclaims that he loves me. He is autistic. He is an autistic child who hugs and kisses his mother and says, "I love you." Sometimes he does this almost frantically...and what he is really saying is, "I feel insecure and I don't know how else to tell you except to say I love you over and over again."
Some autistic and Asperger's children do not have an emotional vocabulary, or they may display inappropriate emotions during certain situations. For example. You and I both know how to tell someone when we're angry, or sad. We know the words for that. We know what those words mean. And we are able to distinguish between more complex emotions, such as, "I'm not angry, just disappointed." "I'm not just happy, I'm overjoyed." Autistic children don't have the words for this. That doesn't mean they don't feel it. They may laugh when they are, in fact, nervous or scared. or they may cry out of the blue for no reason. This doesn't mean they don't show emotion or exhibit facial expressions.
Autistic children also have problems controlling their emotions. When my son gets frustrated about something, he expresses it in a very big way. A small upset, such as not finding the shirt he wants to wear, can lead to a lot of screaming. It is only because his world is ordered in a certain way, and when that order gets upset, so does he. Boredom may elicit more screamng, or he may decide to poke his older brother over and over again.
In spite of all this, I have to say that in my own son at times I have seen an incredible sensitivity. There have been times when I have been rocked by emotion...upset by an event or some experience I had. During these times he has quietly approached me and pushed my hair away from my face. He has given me little kisses...different from the frantic, overwhelming ones he normally peppers me with...and whispered, "I love you."
Tell me again that they don't show emotions. I will show you that you are wrong.
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