They Really Do Grow Up

Next year my oldest son starts middle school.  I've been NOT thinking about it ON PURPOSE.  But, here it is April and we are getting things in the mail from the middle school band, and three days ago I found a note in my son's backpack:  there was to be a meeting for all parents who will have children at the middle school next year. The meeting was for the very next evening.  (Glad I checked his backpack!)

So, I go to this meeting and even though it's for middle school parents, it's being held at the High School Performing Arts Center.  I get there and sign in and get some handouts and a form to fill out for his classes next year, and I sit down in the middle of this huge auditorium, and it's dark and the stage is lit up and the Prinicpal is up there and he starts to talk.

And it hits me.  My son is not a baby anymore.


To my utter horror, I can fill tears pricking my eyes and I sternly tell myself, You are not doing that.  Not here.


But this tidal wave...NO...tsunami...of emotion is just washing over me.  You know how they talk about you get in an accident, and your life flashes before your eyes?  Well, Nathan's life is flashing before my eyes.  This  image of him as a chubby three year old will not go away and I keep thinking, No, no, no, no, NO!  This is not happening, I do NOT have a kid who is about to be in middle school!  He can't be this big, he can't be starting THIS chapter.  This absolutely cannot be happening to me.  But it is.

So I get home.  I call Nathan into my room, I shut the door.  I intend to sit down with him and go over his classes and make sure that it's what he wants to pick.  But instead I burst into tears and I grab him and just hug him and I don't let go.  And I expect him to pull away or just give me a cursory little squeeze or something.  But he doesn't.  He hugs me back and doesn't let go either.  And I said, "I'm sorry....this is stupid mommy stuff...I just realized you're not a baby anymore!"  And instead of laughing at me or making one of his off-the-wall jokes, he keeps hugging me and says, "It's okay."

Yes. He is growing up.  And I am so proud.