They Really Do Grow Up

Next year my oldest son starts middle school.  I've been NOT thinking about it ON PURPOSE.  But, here it is April and we are getting things in the mail from the middle school band, and three days ago I found a note in my son's backpack:  there was to be a meeting for all parents who will have children at the middle school next year. The meeting was for the very next evening.  (Glad I checked his backpack!)

So, I go to this meeting and even though it's for middle school parents, it's being held at the High School Performing Arts Center.  I get there and sign in and get some handouts and a form to fill out for his classes next year, and I sit down in the middle of this huge auditorium, and it's dark and the stage is lit up and the Prinicpal is up there and he starts to talk.

And it hits me.  My son is not a baby anymore.


To my utter horror, I can fill tears pricking my eyes and I sternly tell myself, You are not doing that.  Not here.


But this tidal wave...NO...tsunami...of emotion is just washing over me.  You know how they talk about you get in an accident, and your life flashes before your eyes?  Well, Nathan's life is flashing before my eyes.  This  image of him as a chubby three year old will not go away and I keep thinking, No, no, no, no, NO!  This is not happening, I do NOT have a kid who is about to be in middle school!  He can't be this big, he can't be starting THIS chapter.  This absolutely cannot be happening to me.  But it is.

So I get home.  I call Nathan into my room, I shut the door.  I intend to sit down with him and go over his classes and make sure that it's what he wants to pick.  But instead I burst into tears and I grab him and just hug him and I don't let go.  And I expect him to pull away or just give me a cursory little squeeze or something.  But he doesn't.  He hugs me back and doesn't let go either.  And I said, "I'm sorry....this is stupid mommy stuff...I just realized you're not a baby anymore!"  And instead of laughing at me or making one of his off-the-wall jokes, he keeps hugging me and says, "It's okay."

Yes. He is growing up.  And I am so proud.

World Autism Awareness Day

Today is World Autism Awareness Day.  According to the latest statistics, now 1 in 88 children have the disorder, with the majority of these children being male.

I could write all kinds of things about autism, especially today.  I could write about the need for more education, so that "normal" children understand their peers better.  I could write about the wonderful things our school is doing to help children like my son and things they could implement to improve even more.  I could write about what a long, hard journey it is to raise such a child and I could write about the unexpected joys and pleasures that come from getting to know my son as he slowly progresses in his communication skills and cognizance.

Instead, let me just say that I am so thankful for my son.  There are so many lessons I've learned from him, and so many things that I am still learning through my day to day interactions with him.  I am thankful for the opportunity God has given me to raise such a special spirit...and on those days when I feel like I fall short as a mother, and I look up and say, "Why? Someone else could probably do this much better! Why did you give him to me?"   God has answered, "Because you can."