How to Succeed at Anxiety Without Really Trying

I used to think that being alone was my greatest fear, but it's not.  I know how to be alone.  My greatest fear is, in actuality, failure.

When I was a kid, I made really good grades in school.  I took after my dad, who never saw a need to study and was actually sort of contemptuous of the work he was asked to do.  I never went that far...the contemptuous part, I mean...but making good grades became part of who I was, and it was just sort of expected.

It became so much a part of my character that it morphed into something along the lines of "failure is not an option, and if you do fail, you really suck.  In fact, you're not even a good person, if you fail."  This was the sentiment I operated by for such a long time.  I never looked at other people this way, for some reason.  It was okay if so and so made a bad grade or if somebody else screwed up.  But not me.  It was definitely not okay for me.  It carried over into my adult life, and when I made mistakes, even serious ones, they had lasting repercussions.

This kind of attitude is dangerous for a lot of reasons.  First of all, if you are human, you are going to make mistakes.  You're susceptible to human weaknesses and therefore, you can't operate with the assumption that you will never succumb to said weaknesses.  (I have a slice of cherry cake in my near past to prove it.)  The other reason it's dangerous is that it causes a lot of anxiety.  What will happen if I don't do this right?  What will happen if this person gets mad at me?  What will happen if this doesn't work out, if I can't do a, b, or c, or if I don't do as well as I expect to?  Anxiety is based on not what will happen, but what will happen if.  In the bank of life, the anxiety sufferer borrows more than their fair share of trouble with interest compounded daily.

Why am I writing about this?  Because this week I read an excellent article from our church website.  It was called "It Isn't a Sin to Be Weak" by Wendy Ulrich, and it was very eye-opening.  What do you mean, I'm not going to be perfect all the time?  What do you mean, Heavenly Father loves me anyway?  If He can love me when I make mistakes, why can't I love myself?  It's an excellent article, and it made me realize that I've been going about things entirely the wrong way.  Here is the link:

 https://www.lds.org/liahona/2015/04/it-isnt-a-sin-to-be-weak?cid=HP_TH_3-26-2015_dPTH_fLHNA_xLIDyL2-2_&lang=eng

In the meantime, I give myself an A+.  I give myself an A+ for dealing with life the best way that I can, an A+ for knowing there are things I need to change, and an A+ for still, in spite of my flaws, trying and not giving up.