Above you will see a picture of me and my mother. I think I was in my very early twenties in this picture. My mom put up with a lot of stuff from me, but as you can see, she loved me very much, and still does. When I think of the amount of Play-Dough stuck in her gold shag carpet, or the meltdown over jeans that didn't fit magically overnight (brought back the wrong size from the store by accident), I realize that she is probably destined for sainthood or deserves to meet Paul McCartney in person (except she would have a heart attack, so she can't). It got me thinking about what moms really want for Mother's Day, and then I started thinking, no, just, what do we want? Besides on Mother's Day? It's a given that we're going to get flowers, or breakfast in bed, or a cookie, or coupons for free hugs, or something cute that our kids make, and we love it! But what about the rest of the year? So here is a list:
1)We want our kids to be safe and happy. That's why we have rules. To prevent them from doing something that will, ultimately, put them in danger or make them unhappy.
2)We want our spouses to be safe and happy. That's why we have rules. Just kidding. No, really.
3)We want our bodies to return to their original size and shape. We all do. We would like it to be a given that after we're done having babies, then this will happen, that some magical person will appear and say, here's twenty thou. Go get nipped and tucked or personally trained or whatever you have to do. *sigh*
4)We would like to not be asked why we are upset, stressed, angry, demented, grumpy, etc, etc, etc. Every now and then, we will have a bad day. Why? Why is the sky blue? Why does cereal turn soggy in milk? Because there is some sort of chemical reaction going on. That's why. No, actually, it's because I said so. Now beat it.
5)We would like you to pick up after yourself. You live here. We should not have to tell you. We should not have to ask you. Just pick up your dirty clothes and dishes. This is not a frat house during Rush Week. Unfortunately.
6)We want to pee. We want to pee without someone banging on the door or yelling at us. You should be bleeding. You should be coding on a crash cart. Make sure you are doing these things before you bang on the door.
7)We want to go out with our friends every now and then. With no children attached to any of our bodily appendages. And we don't want to feel guilty about it after.
8)We want to run. Away. Screaming. Sometimes.
9)We would like our husbands to experience PMS at least once. We'll provide the bathrobe and the Midol. Whether or not they get chocolate depends on how well they maintain their good mood.
10)We want to shower in peace,or perhaps, take a bubble bath. It's essential to our well-being that we clean ourselves up, put on makeup, and fix our hair. No wait. It's essential to YOUR well-being.
11)We want our families to know that we love them so much we would die for them, and that's why we cook, and clean the house, and do everything that we do. What? No, we don't actually enjoy cleaning and waking up early. Get out of here.
Now, provided that this list doesn't happen (and I suspect that at least numbers 3,6,8, and 9 probably WON'T), then a macaroni bracelet will suffice. Happy Mother's Day, to all women in the trenches. You're doing good. No, you're not done. But, good job.
THANK YOU. You are simply amazing.
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