Time

It's funny how a taste or a smell or a sound can trigger a memory.  When I was growing up both my grandmothers lived in Cleburne, TX and I spent almost every weekend with one or the other.  When I look at my childhood it wasn't anything remarkable in and of itself, but it held a lot of magic for me.  Those weekends were always amazing  and mysterious because I knew that if I was with my grandmothers, then something fun was going to happen.

Today I sat down at the computer with a Coke in my hand and as I raised the glass I heard the ice clink and smelled the Coke and felt the whisper of the bubbles and I remembered my Uncle John. He was great Uncle, my granny's brother; a retired Navy man and a sloppy sweet drunk.  He always hung around Granny's house wearing a pair of overalls with a full head of gray hair.  I don't remember much about him except that he would walk with me down the dirt road that Granny's house was on and we would go around the corner and there was this little store.  It was in an odd place; not on a main road, and it didn't even sell gas.  It was more like a little grocery store.  And we would go in there and he would always buy me a Coke or some other soda and it would always be in a glass bottle.  And we would take it home and sometimes Granny would make me a Coke float.  Something about it being at Granny's house made it a novelty and I have never had another ice cream float that tasted better.

That store is closed now.  It's still there, and it's filled with broken furniture and odds and ends.  Every time I drive by there I feel a little nostalgic and sad, but things change all the time. That's life.

I think the most important thing you can do for your kids is to spend time with them.  It doesn't matter if they have a phone, or the pair of shoes that everyone else wants and can't afford, or if they have every video game system known to mankind.  Time is what's important.  Time.  The time my grandmothers gave to me was a gift.  I learned how to cook because they tolerated me looking over their shoulders or peeking over the counter in the kitchen.  I  learned how to sew because they did it in front of me.  I learned how to garden because my Grandma Rose had a huge garden every year and she put me to work in it.  I learned to love roses because she grew them and talked about them all the time. I learned how to serve others because both of them, Granny Boliver and Grandma Rose, were always doing something for someone else and they never complained about it or bragged about it. They just did it.  I learned how to succeed because my mother never gave up on me and always told me I was capable. She taught me to be kind. And she taught me how to laugh and how to appreciate good music.

I am so thankful for the people in my life who give me good memories.

Loganese

One day at church someone came up to Logan and shook his hand.  This person, and I don't remember who it was, looked at me and smiled and said, "I haven't learned to speak his language yet."

This was such a delightful thing to say because it let me know that somebody "gets" it and that they understand that Logan's communication is, at times, very different from ours.  If that individual is reading this blog, I would just like to say thank you, so much, for understanding.

Logan is a verbal autistic.  This means he does use words, can carry on conversations, and understands exactly what is being said to him and about him in any given situation.  Now, processing all of that, and then spewing it back out in a coherent form is sometimes tricky for him.  Imagine someone who is just learning how to speak English.  They know all the words.  But they don't understand the proper context for the words, so they may say things that don't make a lot of sense.  Because a particular individual named "Bob" wears a blue shirt, this person may call a blue shirt "Bob clothes" because they can't think of the word for "blue".  Or they may call something by the wrong name.  Imagine that they cannot convey that they are nervous or agitated, so they just start saying the only phrase they can think of over and over again.  Logan is much like this.

When Logan gets agitated or anxious, he will say, over and over, "I want to go to Cici's pizza".  He really does like Cici's pizza and loves to eat there.  But when he is anxious, this is what he thinks of to say.  Or he may say, "I want to get milkshakes."  Does he really want a milkshake?  No.  He does not.  The key is not to listen to the words he is saying, but HOW he is saying them.  Is he repeating them over and over again, almost frantically, in a different voice?  This indicates agitation or nervousness.

At times he will also laugh uncontrollably.  A lot of people have seen him do this and they laugh right along with him and ask him what is so funny.  Let me tell you:  NOTHING.  Nothing is funny.  He is, again, exhibiting anxiety.  The key is, once more, to pay attention to the context and the tone.  Is he doing it over and over?  Is it out of control?  Is he using a different voice?  Is there something there to laugh at?  It's difficult to determine how an autistic person is really feeling sometimes because they don't have a lot of control over emotions at times and may exhibit emotion in ways that we don't.  An angry person may actually cry.  A nervous person may laugh.  It's not because they think something is funny.

Another thing Logan likes to do is grab my arm and jerk it up and down and say, "Quesadillas, quesadillas" over and over.  It makes no sense.  He does it to annoy me.  Then he will stop and look at me and say, "I want to play quesadillas".  It has nothing to do with quesadillas and everything to do with annoying his mother.  So most of the time I look at him and say, "I don't want to play that."  Occasionally I will grab his arm and say, "Hamburgers, hamburgers" over and over.  He doesn't know what to do when I do that...he laughs nervously and leaves.

The overall point of this is don't assume that what you're seeing with an autistic person is how things really are.  Ask yourself what is really going on.  Do they need attention?  Are they in pain?  Are they nervous?  Being observant is the best way to learn to speak "Loganese".

Chaos Theory

When I was a junior in high school, our math teacher (Dr. Whisenant, Pre-Calculus) asked us to do a research paper on a math-related topic.  She had a list we could choose from, and we could work in groups of two or three if we chose.  My best friend and I (she is still my best friend) chose Chaos Theory.  We chose it because we knew nothing about it, understood it was probably complicated, and figured that Dr. Whisenant (never understood why a woman with a dual PhD in English and Math would teach high school) would be so impressed that we had tackled such a subject that we would get an A.  (We did.)

In layman's terms, chaos theory means that a small action or occurrence in one place can set off a chain reaction of events and cause a bigger occurrence in another place.  (The present determines the future, according to wikipedia.)  A popular analogy that has never been proven is that if someone steps on a butterfly, in will cause a tsunami somewhere else.

My children had the day off from school today.  Thank you, Mr. President.  So much.  I had already decided that nothing would get done.  Different children came in and out of my house as the day progressed and when we finally saw everyone home, I figured out that we needed to go to the store.  Halfway between dairy and meat I stopped and the thought occurred to me that I had no idea what I was doing and that it would have been better to just go home.  I even considered just heading to the cash register with the stuff I had and coming back for the rest of it later.  That didn't make a lot of sense because I was already there, and so I decided to stick it out and get what was on the list.  After a trip to the bathroom where I discovered that the pattern on my bra could be vaguely determined through the fabric of my shirt (leopard, thanks) I decided to just stop worrying because the day was rapidly deteriorating anyway.  The store was becoming increasingly crowded, the baby was fussing, and Logan was becoming more agitated.  I could no longer lie to myself and say people were staring at us because my kids were beyond adorable.

I got in the car and thought that how I reacted based on what had occurred in the store would affect the rest of the day.  It's so easy for moms (or dads) to let the content of the day determine their mood and how they will treat family members.  Instead I thought of how much help my oldest son and daughter give me all the time, simply by carrying extra things or distracting their younger brother or sister.  I realized, once again, that I am really blessed. I understood from this experience that little things, like exercising patience when you don't want to, or keeping a not-so-great day in perspective, is essential to creating a peaceful future. Your smallest actions, even words said in passing, can change the entire course of someone else's day.

When I got home I changed my shirt.

And I didn't step on any butterflies.

Boys

BOYS

by Rachel Stogner

A poem, in honor of my two amazing sons.

Let boys be boys.

Let them come in from playing all day

Wind in their hair and sun on their face

And sweating leave their muddy shoes

On your clean kitchen floor.

Let them bring you a bowl full of snakes

Admire it, their most recent find

(Then send them back outside!)

Let them tell you about a bug

Let them shoot imaginary guns

Let boys be boys.

Give them space to wrestle

A mad heap of twitching grunts and giggles

Until someone cries.

Give them room to fly

What’s down that path or beyond that hill

Or even, up in that tree

Let them learn, let them look, let them see

Let boys be boys.

Let them stay up late, and eat a whole bag of chips

And smile when they say that they feel sick

(I told you so)

Watch movies and make tents and whisper to friends

Let them pretend.

Uniforms and hammers and lassos and capes

Let them save the day

Because one day soon

You’ll look up, not down

And see a man in the room.

Wind in his hair and sun on his face

Time moves so fast, it doesn’t wait!

Let boys be boys.

To Gluten or Not To Gluten?

Lately I've been thinking of putting Logan on a gluten-free diet and seeing what happens.  This is a popular thing among parents of autistic children because of their belief that autism is connected to gluten-sensitivity issues.  But what is gluten, and why is it so bad?

Gluten is a protein found in certain grains like wheat, barley, and rye.  Gluten is what gives bread its elastic, doughy texture. It is not a simple protein by itself, but is made of two proteins:  gliadin and glutenen.  When you think of all the things that people eat on a daily basis, gluten is abundant in many of those dishes.  Breads, pastas, cereals, hamburger buns, pizza crust, cookies all contain gluten.  Anything that is made with flour probably has gluten in it.  Even yogurt that contains cookie or candy pieces might be hiding bits of gluten.

For some people, eating something that contains gluten can have devastating effects.  Many people suffer from gluten intolerance, which means they are, in effect, allergic to the gluten.  They will develop digestive issues, skin rashes, autoimmune disorders, cluttered thinking, and other symptoms.  Some people also suffer from celiac disease, which damages the small intestine and causes the body to attack itself every time someone consumes gluten.

What does this have to do with autism?  A lot of autistic children suffer from what's called "leaky gut syndrome".  This is a slang term and it simply means that they have a lot of digestive issues.  Some parents feel that the out of control behaviors associated with some autistic children can be attributed to the discomfort they feel due to digestive distress, a discomfort that they cannot find the words to describe or convey.  A recent study at Sweden's Karolinska Institute found no link between autism and Celiac disease.  They did, however, find that many autistic children had high levels of gluten antibodies in their systems, which suggests that these individuals are experiencing a reaction to gluten.  “In the past, we have had the believers and nonbelievers when it came to the role of gluten in autism,” comments gastroenterologist Alessio Fasano. “Hopefully this paper can clarify, once and for all, that a subset of those with autism has gluten sensitivity, a condition triggered by gluten but distinct from celiac disease.”  ("Autism Study Finds No Link to Celiac Disease; Gluten Reactivity Real".  autismspeaks.org. Autismspeaks. 25 Sept 2013. Web.  07 Feb 2014.)  <http://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/autism-study-finds-no-link-celiac-disease-gluten-reactivity-real> .  

So will we be putting Logan on a gluten free diet?  It's something I am seriously thinking about.  It requires a lot of lifestyle changes, for everyone. More fruits and vegetables, more meats and fish (you have to be careful here, buying the meat/fish pre-breaded or pre-marinated can add gluten), some milk and cheeses.  There are a multitude of websites that offer gluten-free recipes and lists of gluten-free foods and ingredients.  The main thing is to watch out for hidden gluten, in things such as ice cream, and to also only buy bread, pasta, and pre-packaged foods that are specifically labeled "gluten free".