I don't like Valentine's Day. Once New Year's passes, all the minor holidays are just sprinkles of sugar on the rest of the year for me...but Valentine's Day has always bothered me. I guess because I felt that if you loved someone, you should show it every day, and why do we need a special day to do that? But thinking of it, and seeing that people actually do celebrate it started me thinking about love in general, and how the holiday started in the first place.
There are two or three versions of the story regarding St. Valentine. One that he performed marriages in secret for young Roman soldiers who were supposed to stay single as they went into battle. When Emperor Claudius discovered this, he ordered Valentine killed. Another version has him in prison, falling in love with the jailkeeper's daughter, and handing her a final love note signed, "From your Valentine". Still a third involves the modification of the pagan holiday Lupercalia, in which a goat and a dog were sacrificed at a cave said to be the birthplace of Romulus and Remus. Pagan priests would then strip the hide from the goat, dip it in blood, and go throughout town gently slapping women with it. Gross, right? The women welcomed it. It was said to bring fertility. The women would then put their names in a jar, and bachelors would draw a name. They would be paired with that woman for a year, which encouraged marriage. (see http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day for the full article regarding Valentine's Day.)
However it started, it's clear that the candy hearts and stuffed animals mean something to someone. But love itself...what is that? What does that mean? It can mean so many things to so many different people. This is what it has come to mean to me:
Love is friendship. Friendship with your spouse and your children, and the respect that should come with friendship. The fun and trust that comes with friendship.
Love is tolerance. Recognizing that your significant other is not perfect, and neither are you, and being patient when they aren't at their best.
Love is forgiveness. Realizing that people are going to make mistakes...that's what life is about, and loving them enough to forgive them for those mistakes and help them move on.
Love is time. Making time for the people in your life, even when work and school and chores become a pressing chorus in your head...all of that will still be there. People don't last forever.
Love is beneath the surface. When your wife has been throwing up all day and hasn't showered in two, or your husband has worked really late and comes home tired and sweaty...if you can still look at them in that state and appreciate them and feel affection, that is love.
Love is acceptance. You and your significant other are not always going to want to do the same things or go the same places. One of you might want to spend some time with friends. One of you may be the kind of person that needs time alone to focus and center. And that is okay. You shouldn't be in each other's pocket all the time. You're married, not joined at the hip.
Love is validating. Letting the other person know that their feelings are recognized, and that even if you don't agree with them, you are listening..that is love.
Love is touching. What person doesn't love to be touched or held or kissed or hugged? For some people, this is essential.
Love is encouragement. The person you love may have dreams and goals. Sometimes those may be different from yours, or from what you think they should be doing. That's okay. If you love them, don't burst their bubble. Encourage them.
Love is reassurance. Yes, I am here. Yes, I love you and always will. Yes, you are important to me. Simple words that go a long way, that should be said often.
Love is gray hair. It's watching your loved one's face change and body change and hair fall out or turn gray and it not mattering at all, because to you, they still look the same.
Love is meaningful conversation. Beyond, how was your day? It's, What do you think of this? What do you think I should do? Did you hear about this? This is so funny, listen!
Love is sacrifice. Always. Putting the other person above yourself, their wants, their needs, making them important in your life...that is love.
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