Limitations

On Christmas day of this year, I will turn forty.  It's hard to take in.  I don't feel like forty.  I don't feel like a "grown-up".  But the day is coming, no matter how I feel.

I made a huge decision this year when I decided to go back to school.  I know that women do it all the time, especially single moms, out of sheer necessity.  But for me, it was huge.  I have to explain why.  My grandmother was very poor when she was growing up.  Her father was a sharecropper and she dropped out of elementary school to help him on the farm.  After that she got married at age nineteen and had one child- my mother.  Throughout the rest of her life she took care of other people and worked various part time jobs.  I once spoke to her about going to college and her philosophy was that "it's just not important for a woman to go to school. There's no need."  I didn't listen, of course.

My other grandmother also grew up on a farm.  However, her experience was different.  Her family owned their farm, grew all their own food, had livestock, and made all of their own clothes for the most part.  They were very self-sufficient.  She grew up and wanted to be a nurse.  She also got married at a young age, but fate dealt her a rough hand- her husband left her when her three children were very young.  She was encouraged to put them up for adoption, but she determined that what was left of her family would stay together.  She took typing classes at night.  She worked full time during the day.  And she eventually landed a job at an insurance company and was able to support herself and her children.  She never got to go to college but she did what she could do.  Even later in life, with her hands ruined from rheumatoid arthritis and her once quick gait reduced to a painful shuffle, she would still exercise by walking up and down the ramp in front of her house, and call all of her friends every day.  She never gave up. When she became too ill to live alone and went to a nursing home, she died within a week.  I like to believe it was because she didn't have time to sit around there, and had other things to do in the next life.

I have heard many women say, "I'm too old" to do this or that. "I'm too old to try something new."  "I'm too old to travel."  "I'm too old to exercise."  "I'm too old to go back to school."  Grandmother #1 never tried to get her GED because she would "have to be taught too much".  Yet, she could do complex math problems and once ran her own business- a daycare.

I never played a sport in high school and my first attempt at college was an absolute disaster, for many reasons.  It would have been so easy for me to say, That was then, and that time is over, and now I'm just doing this, and I can't go back and do those other things anymore.

But those are the kinds of lies we tell ourselves.  After I had my fourth and last child I started running.  I go through time periods when I don't do it for a while, but I always return to it.  My husband bought me a bicycle and even though I was embarrassed (my neighbors were standing in their garage staring), I got on that thing and suddenly remembered what it was like to be eight years old.  I discovered cardio kickboxing.  I discovered that all my can'ts were won'ts.

At the top of this page is a picture of Ayrton Senna, a Brazilian racecar driver who was killed doing what he loved in  1994 at the San Marino Grand Prix.  As you read his quote I hope you understand what he's saying...that constantly pushing yourself, constantly trying new things, will help you discover your limitations..and sometimes, overcome them.