Self vs Selfishness

A few weeks ago I took my two oldest children and the baby to the Ft Worth Zoo.  It was home school day at the zoo, and I viewed it as an opportunity to spend time with them that I don't normally get to spend.  I didn't feel guilty about not taking Logan.  I never know how he is going to react in a new and different place, especially a place with so much sensory input.  He may have loved it and wanted to stay all day.  Or he might have begged to go home five minutes after we got there.  Either way, it was best to take him at a different time.  But that's not what this entry is about.

We took a lot of pictures.  I had my son take a picture of me, I took pictures of them, and we had a great time.  When I got home I looked at the pictures and was dismayed by what I saw.  I didn't like my appearance.  I had gained some weight, with the help of a certain dessert at Sonic, and now I was paying the price.

I thought of Logan.  When you're the mom of a child that is bound to live with you for the rest of your life, you really do want to live forever.  The uncertainty of what may happen to that child after you're gone is a strong motivation for sticking around.  We don't have the luxury of living recklessly, in our thoughts, our diets, or our lifestyle.  Too much is on the line.

I started taking time for myself.  Every morning, I decided to get up and spend some time simply exercising.  I took the time to take a shower and do my hair and makeup, even if I knew I wasn't going anywhere, simply because it made me feel better to know I was taking care of myself.  I started trying to make better choices about what I was eating.  And I do all of this, not with the focus of losing weight, but with the focus of being more healthy, feeling better, and being around for my kids.  In fact, I hardly ever use a scale.  Scales can be so misleading.  A lot of women think that if they don't weigh 110 pounds, then that must mean they're fat.  The problem with this is that muscle actually weighs more than fat.  When you start exercising, you burn fat, but you're also adding muscle.  Judging myself by a number just didn't add up for me.  Instead, I used a pair of  jeans.  A pair of jeans that I'd kept since I gave birth to my now 11-year old daughter.  I loved those jeans.  Couldn't zip 'em up or snap 'em.  Until this week.

I think it's sad that a lot of mothers have the attitude that if they take time for themselves, if they let someone watch their children for an hour, if they spend a little money on their hair or take the time to do their makeup, then they feel they are taking time away from their children or they're being selfish.  I've found the opposite is very true.  If I don't feel good about myself, because I'm not doing those things, then I'm not the best mom.  I don't feel as confident, I feel cranky, I don't feel good physically, and that affects my children.  I'm also setting an example for them by how I care for myself...if they see that mom doesn't care about her appearance, then why should they?

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, of which I am a member, we are taught that every person has a divine nature.  That each person is of worth individually, that each person has unique abilities and talents, each person has something to offer, and that each girl or woman is a precious daughter of God.  And if I am a precious daughter of God, then so too is every mother and every daughter on this earth.  Investing time in yourself is not selfish.  It's necessary in order to be the best mother that you can be.