A few weeks ago I took my two oldest children and the baby to the Ft Worth Zoo. It was home school day at the zoo, and I viewed it as an opportunity to spend time with them that I don't normally get to spend. I didn't feel guilty about not taking Logan. I never know how he is going to react in a new and different place, especially a place with so much sensory input. He may have loved it and wanted to stay all day. Or he might have begged to go home five minutes after we got there. Either way, it was best to take him at a different time. But that's not what this entry is about.
We took a lot of pictures. I had my son take a picture of me, I took pictures of them, and we had a great time. When I got home I looked at the pictures and was dismayed by what I saw. I didn't like my appearance. I had gained some weight, with the help of a certain dessert at Sonic, and now I was paying the price.
I thought of Logan. When you're the mom of a child that is bound to live with you for the rest of your life, you really do want to live forever. The uncertainty of what may happen to that child after you're gone is a strong motivation for sticking around. We don't have the luxury of living recklessly, in our thoughts, our diets, or our lifestyle. Too much is on the line.
I started taking time for myself. Every morning, I decided to get up and spend some time simply exercising. I took the time to take a shower and do my hair and makeup, even if I knew I wasn't going anywhere, simply because it made me feel better to know I was taking care of myself. I started trying to make better choices about what I was eating. And I do all of this, not with the focus of losing weight, but with the focus of being more healthy, feeling better, and being around for my kids. In fact, I hardly ever use a scale. Scales can be so misleading. A lot of women think that if they don't weigh 110 pounds, then that must mean they're fat. The problem with this is that muscle actually weighs more than fat. When you start exercising, you burn fat, but you're also adding muscle. Judging myself by a number just didn't add up for me. Instead, I used a pair of jeans. A pair of jeans that I'd kept since I gave birth to my now 11-year old daughter. I loved those jeans. Couldn't zip 'em up or snap 'em. Until this week.
I think it's sad that a lot of mothers have the attitude that if they take time for themselves, if they let someone watch their children for an hour, if they spend a little money on their hair or take the time to do their makeup, then they feel they are taking time away from their children or they're being selfish. I've found the opposite is very true. If I don't feel good about myself, because I'm not doing those things, then I'm not the best mom. I don't feel as confident, I feel cranky, I don't feel good physically, and that affects my children. I'm also setting an example for them by how I care for myself...if they see that mom doesn't care about her appearance, then why should they?
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, of which I am a member, we are taught that every person has a divine nature. That each person is of worth individually, that each person has unique abilities and talents, each person has something to offer, and that each girl or woman is a precious daughter of God. And if I am a precious daughter of God, then so too is every mother and every daughter on this earth. Investing time in yourself is not selfish. It's necessary in order to be the best mother that you can be.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
You Got a Question, I Got an Answer!
A while ago...I don't know...maybe it's been a year, or something...I posted a list of questions or facts about Logan and his autism. I don't remember what the list says and I'm too darn lazy to look it up right now. But I think it's about time for such a list once more. I still get asked many questions about Logan, his appearance, his behavior, and autism in general. So here are some of my favorite questions, and the answers that go with them:
1) He's autistic, isn't he? Yes, he is.
2) What happened to his face? Did he fall off his bike? or, my favorite, usually from old people who can't see well: "Somebody had himself some kool aid!" He didn't drink too much kool aid, he didn't fall off his bike, he doesn't have food caked around his mouth. When Logan gets anxious...and he gets very, very anxious in certain situations, he licks his lips. Around and around and around. Constantly. And his lips become dry and chapped and he picks on them. It takes forever to heal and it drives us crazy. When he gets agitated and upset, he scratches himself. Same story. And no, we cannot put anything on it that cannot be ingested, because he will lick it right off and eat it. End of story.
3) Does he have a power? I still get this question. No, he does not. He has talents. Like many children.
4) Why does he scream all the time? Autistic children scream for many reasons. They don't have the words to express themselves. So they scream. They're in pain or uncomfortable. They want something. They are making noise to drown out all the other ambient noises bombarding their very sensitive ears. They like the way their voice feels when it vibrates their vocal chords as they are screaming. Pick one. Logan screams a lot. We literally can hear him at least a block away, if not more.
5) How do you do it? You must be so stressed! I'm not the only one raising this child. My husband is too, and so is God. Yes, I am stressed. I've also developed a healthy sense of humor and really, really don't pay attention to a lot of normal things that stress other people out.
6) What is he...what...how does he...I mean....? I think this person just wanted to know the whole story behind Logan and wanted me to explain autism in general. If that's the case, start at the beginning of the blog and work your way to here.
7) Does Logan talk? Yes, he does, and his vocabulary is growing every day. I am blessed. Some parents never hear their autistic children utter a word.
8) Would you do anything differently if you knew Logan was going to be autistic? No one's ever asked me this but I'm sure someone will one day. No, I would not. I would do it all over again.
9) How does Logan act around his little sister? For the most part, he ignores her. Sometimes he kisses the top of her head, and sometimes if she makes a loud noise, he mimics her.
10) What can I do to help? How can I learn more? I always appreciate it when people offer help. It's always better to ask what can be done instead of telling us what you are going to do...Logan requires specific things, and behaves specific ways in given situations. Learning more...there are tons of websites on autism. FEAT NT has a great site, and there are many others. Just remember...if you've met one autistic person, then you have met one autistic person. No two are ever alike and each person is in a different spot on the spectrum.
In conclusion, I would just like to say I am all about educating people about autism, and creating awareness. 1 in 150, or less children are considered autistic. It's appalling to me that with so many special needs children out there, people still do not really understand what autism is or how it will affect families and communities. So, I invite you all, dear readers, to ask me questions. Please. Don't be afraid to get answers. Is there something you've wanted to know about autism, or something you've wanted to ask but were afraid someone would get offended? Ask me. I can help you. Message me on Facebook or email your questions to rstogner2003@yahoo.com. Thank you all.
1) He's autistic, isn't he? Yes, he is.
2) What happened to his face? Did he fall off his bike? or, my favorite, usually from old people who can't see well: "Somebody had himself some kool aid!" He didn't drink too much kool aid, he didn't fall off his bike, he doesn't have food caked around his mouth. When Logan gets anxious...and he gets very, very anxious in certain situations, he licks his lips. Around and around and around. Constantly. And his lips become dry and chapped and he picks on them. It takes forever to heal and it drives us crazy. When he gets agitated and upset, he scratches himself. Same story. And no, we cannot put anything on it that cannot be ingested, because he will lick it right off and eat it. End of story.
3) Does he have a power? I still get this question. No, he does not. He has talents. Like many children.
4) Why does he scream all the time? Autistic children scream for many reasons. They don't have the words to express themselves. So they scream. They're in pain or uncomfortable. They want something. They are making noise to drown out all the other ambient noises bombarding their very sensitive ears. They like the way their voice feels when it vibrates their vocal chords as they are screaming. Pick one. Logan screams a lot. We literally can hear him at least a block away, if not more.
5) How do you do it? You must be so stressed! I'm not the only one raising this child. My husband is too, and so is God. Yes, I am stressed. I've also developed a healthy sense of humor and really, really don't pay attention to a lot of normal things that stress other people out.
6) What is he...what...how does he...I mean....? I think this person just wanted to know the whole story behind Logan and wanted me to explain autism in general. If that's the case, start at the beginning of the blog and work your way to here.
7) Does Logan talk? Yes, he does, and his vocabulary is growing every day. I am blessed. Some parents never hear their autistic children utter a word.
8) Would you do anything differently if you knew Logan was going to be autistic? No one's ever asked me this but I'm sure someone will one day. No, I would not. I would do it all over again.
9) How does Logan act around his little sister? For the most part, he ignores her. Sometimes he kisses the top of her head, and sometimes if she makes a loud noise, he mimics her.
10) What can I do to help? How can I learn more? I always appreciate it when people offer help. It's always better to ask what can be done instead of telling us what you are going to do...Logan requires specific things, and behaves specific ways in given situations. Learning more...there are tons of websites on autism. FEAT NT has a great site, and there are many others. Just remember...if you've met one autistic person, then you have met one autistic person. No two are ever alike and each person is in a different spot on the spectrum.
In conclusion, I would just like to say I am all about educating people about autism, and creating awareness. 1 in 150, or less children are considered autistic. It's appalling to me that with so many special needs children out there, people still do not really understand what autism is or how it will affect families and communities. So, I invite you all, dear readers, to ask me questions. Please. Don't be afraid to get answers. Is there something you've wanted to know about autism, or something you've wanted to ask but were afraid someone would get offended? Ask me. I can help you. Message me on Facebook or email your questions to rstogner2003@yahoo.com. Thank you all.
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